The fundaMentals - The World's Oldest Living Garage Band!

Come check us out! We're kickin' ass and forgettin' names! Straight up rock and roll for America's Elephant Graveyard, southwest Florida!

www.fundamentalsrock.com

This is our story... (and we' stickin' to it)

The tale of the fundaMentals, or The 'Mentals to be brief
Began in mythic legend and will end to much relief
Danger Dan and Billy!!! met in a graveyard late at night
And they knew when they first spoke that neither was quite right

Billy!!! was a drummer, and Dan played lead guitar
And both believed that rock and roll was needing C.P.R.
"We need to start a garage band!" Danger Dan exclaimed
Billy!!! agreed completely, which just proved that he's insane

They stuck it out together, an unlikely pair it seems
One had monkeys in his attic, one a Nature Boy supreme
They spent years a-searching for the right men for this crew
To carry out these rock and roll feats of derring-do

Til one night at the crossroads, The Icon did appear
Running from his psycho ex with nothing but his gear
He played guitar and sang if you can really call it such
His ego was astounding, his talent not so much

Danger Dan approached him with Billy!!! at his side
He put out his hand and said "Let's take this nationwide!"
The Icon looked them over, and thought it a bit queer
That the drummer wore a pirate hat and his drumsticks smelled like beer

But The Icon spoke these words, and the world shall not forget it
"Okay you can count me in, though I'm sure I'll regret it"
The search was on for thunder, a man who played the bass
Many came and went but no one really rocked the place

The Mad Bomber stepped into their view as the lightning flashed
Some 'Mentals were impressed by him, and some were merely trashed
He said "I'll play the bass for you, you'll feel me shake the floor
But you don't want to tick me off, I've blown shit up before"

They moved to Billy!!!'s living room, none could afford garages
Readying to tour the world's bars and Mason Lodges
Then Big Hoss appeared one night , blocking light in all the room
"I want to join a rockin’ band but I'll settle for you goons"

He brought style to the 'Mentals, his keyboards brought some class
And if he hadn't been so big he would have been out on his ass
For The 'Mentals weren't classy, and their aim was far from true
But Hoss was in the building, wasn't diddley they could do

They worked hard on rocking, rising at the crack of noon
They showed how to go from music buff to straight buffoon
The people celebrated them, in toast they raised their cups
"Those ‘Mentals kept on rockin’ right until the cops showed up!"

They rocked bars and barmitzvahs, festivals and halls
Some bands had more talent but no one had bigger balls
They played it loud and sloppy, they always walked the walk
They would have been much better off if they just didn’t talk

Then Billy!!! left the band and the faithful they did wail
The band said "Whatcha bitchin' 'bout? We're glad he's not in jail"
The search began for drummers to fill this massive gap
To find the man to keep them from becoming Spinal Tap

Danger Dan, he hugged a tree, The Icon looked askance
The Mad Bomber blew shit up and Big Hoss dropped his pants
They searched the whole world over, they looked cradle to grave
Then a little hairy dude wandered from a cave

He said "They call me Caveman, I sing and play the drums
And I don't have enough sense not to join up with you bums"
The band was back in business and the faithful did rejoice
They hijacked a friends garage and started making 'Mental noise

But the cops came and took Caveman, and again the faithful wailed
The band said "Whatcha bitchin' 'bout? At least he's not... never mind"
The band was getting cranky, they were tiring of this crap
They were starting to go through drummers as fast as Spinal Tap

Then from the shores of Jersey The Hammer did appear
He sure wasn't a guido but they still thought he was weird
Born to be a 'Mental, normal not among his tricks
He thought the band was private eyes, saying "What a bunch of Dicks"

But he said I'll join this outfit, though I don't know what I'm thinking
Maybe it will seem like a good idea if I do a lot more drinking
With the Hammer in the fold, the band was sounding tight
He said "You guys can really rock, even though you're not too bright"

The fundaMentals were back once more, and the faithful stood and cheered
"We love you bastards, though you sound best under the influence of beer!"
Schlock rock legends of the fall, the 'Mentals took the stage
And no one needed ID to see if they were underage

They lived the spirit of rock and roll and that cannot be bought
Please if you would be so kind, keep the ‘Mentals in your thoughts
For the Devil doesn’t want them, and they’ll never get to Heaven
Doomed to rock the Earth alone with their amps turned to 11.