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How to Raise a Rock & Roll Kid
As parents, we're well aware of all the pitfalls that await our children: drugs...online predators...smooth jazz.
Still, we want, above all, for our kids to someday turn into Kick-Ass Grownups themselves. And that ain't gonna happen by locking them in the house and spoon-feeding them happy thoughts.
In this thread, let's kick around some ideas about how to raise a rock and roll kid. Someone who will attain what every Kick-Ass Grownup parent truly wants for their child: to be cooler than we are.
Here are some ideas to get the ball rolling:
Let Them Have Their Own Music. I know you want nothing more than to sit your kid down and pump her full of your favorite music. Rather than wasting all that time texting, she should be listening to Radio City by Big Star and breaking down the chord structures! I hear you, but that ain't gonna work.
Your bands are your bands. Your kid needs artists to call his or her own. Accept that, and encourage it -- even if you have to hold back the scathing criticism your inner rock snob has for the bands they choose.
And then, do your best to understand why these artists are connecting with your kid. I recently spent a few days on a road trip with my 14 year old son Matt, during which time we listened to almost nothing but his music. Now, sure, some it set my teeth on edge. But, as it turned out, I really started liking quite a bit more it than I expected.
Slip In Some Education, But Be Cool About It. Listening to your kids' fave artists gives you the opportunity to introduce them to the music you love by putting it in context. Does he like The Dropkick Murphys? Play him some Stiff Little Fingers. Green Day fan? The she needs to hear The Clash. Into hip-hop? Crank up some James Brown. Hardcore Kenny G lover? Military school.
Let Them Pick Their Own Instrument...and Then Spring For Some Lessons. While I thought it would be cool if my son picked up an instrument, I never forced anything on him. I simply took him to music stores and let him mess around until he found what interested him. When he discovered the drums, the deal was sealed. We bought him a kit from a pawn shop and let him bang around on his own. Then, when it was clear he was serious, we got him lessons.
In doing that, we tried something I suggest you consider: rather than finding a traditional drum teacher, we asked a local musician we know -- who's both a kick-ass drummer and a fun, lighthearted guy -- to teach Matt. He'd never taught drums to anyone before, so he simply chose to come in, show Matt some cool stuff and have a good time for a half hour every week. It's worked really well, as Matt looks forward to his time hanging with his drummer buddy more than he might something more structured and traditional. That's his personality, of course. Your own kid might be best suited for a pro teacher. Try it both ways.
Take Them To Shows! Nothing drives home a love of music like seeing it live. Take every opportunity to bring your kid to a rock show. Check with local clubs to find out when they have all-ages gigs, so they can experience music up close and personal. Then take 'em to a big arena show, preferably one with lots of flash and excitement. And if a festival is coming that features some of your young un's favorite acts, take them. You'll have a great chance to bond and to learn about the music they love.
Matt at Warped Tour's "Rock the Block" Concert, June, 2010
Don't Freak Out About Clothes, Hair or Over The Top Imagery. On our road trip, Matt and I attended a Warped Tour event, loaded with bands he loves. And yeah, the girls dressed kinda trashy and the yes, the guys wore t-shirts with all sorts of less than charitable messages on them and sure, the bands dropped f-bombs like candy. But everyone I encountered -- almost all of whom were between the ages of 12 and 20 -- was polite, friendly and intent on having a good time. There was way less hostility and testosterone floating around than I remember from my days as a young rocker. In other words.....
The Kids Are (Still) Alright. My day at Warped Tour made me especially happy because of one thing: these kids were crazy passionate about the music and the bands who played it. I expected a jaded audience of slack jawed teens, texting busily and using the event as an opportunity to hook up. Instead, I witnessed energized and engaged music fans who knew all the words, sang along and allowed themselves to be lifted to that special place music can take you. These are kids who will take good care of rock and roll.
OK, your turn. How are you raising rock and roll kids?
Views: 52
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Bruce Brodeen on -
An outstanding foundation here, Brother JB!
It's key that you mention is slipping in a bit of education - in a cool way. It begs the question: "How exactly is this done?" Any specifics/success stories you can share?
Easier said than done but a parent can't forget that our next-gen rockers DO listen us more than we give them credit for in the teenage years....so be, uh, 'chill'(I don't plan on using that phrase in this context for the rest of my life - hold me to it fellow Tribers!), speak to them as fellow future appreciators of cool music and you'll be surprised as our young rock rebels sprout up with little vignettes pushing back at you.
You hint at this in passing above but the thought, arguably, deserves it's own paragraph. Let's call it: "Let THEM slip in some education - but be cool about it how you receive it". Be ready/receptive to take those cues of what they're listening to, do some research on *their* music(if they don't offer it up) and find out what makes those bands tick and why they resonate with your kids. Encourage them to defend their choices, too - let them articulate in their own words why their faves rock so righteously.
Occasionally, nod knowingly even if befuddled.
Secretly record for posterity, if you deem them insufficiently advanced on the rocking scale - could be a lot of fun to dredge out in a few years. Okay, well maybe not that one.....then, again it does sound like fun.....
Stealth Tip: Then, a week later, slip in some of what your research revealed. "(Rocker Child Name Here), you hear Joe X. Dube got our rehab last week? Hope that heroin charged gets dropped before the next tour in the Fall."
Walk Away. Let the moment marinate. Grab a beer from the fridge - you rock, my fellow Triber.
The Blonde Bomber
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Permalink Reply by JamieF on -
Can't agree more about the importance of live music.
Bruce - you wanna talk about teachable moments, but live performances are nothing but opportunities to see and feel what rock is about. My kids usually can't wait to share their impressions and compare to mine.
I also love when an artist busts out the acoustic version or a cross-genre cover of a well-known song. You hear the lyrics in a different way or maybe the harmony brings out a different mood for the song, and bing! you've learned something worth sharing with your kids.
I think remakes in general are great. How many people listened to NIN's "Hurt" and thought of it as some reject whinefest? But Johnny Cash brought it home for those same people. (OK - so that's what I thought of the song. I even prefer Kermit the Frog's version over the original). All you have to do is make a comment that may or may not start a conversation, but they'll remember it for later.
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Permalink Reply by Billy Miller on -
Jamie, along the lines of cover songs, it is great when a young artist covers one of my favorite songs. Ex) Wen Adam Lambert did Mad World on Idol. I actually loved his version, but then played Tears For Fears for my kids the next day and asked them to compare the two. They had some good analysis and I played them a few other tunes (not the whole album) off The Hurting.
Another was when Hillary Duff attempted Love Is A Battlefield live. (Yes- I never thought I would ever hear more teenage girls screaming for two hours than the Duran Duran show in '87, but I was proven wrong, even though the average age at this show was 10). We played Katy and her friends the original on the way home from the show- they actually said they didn't like the song at all, no matter who sang it- there is a god!
I try to always ask my daughter questions about the artists we are listening to on her IPod in the car. I learn more and she knows I am interested in . We even share a few songs on ITunes.
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Permalink Reply by Will Withem on -
I am working with my 8 year old to expose her to as many different types of music as possible. She seems to react to the Beatles, the Ramones, Johnny Cash, Social D, The White Stripes and the Zac Brown Band. We're off to a good start. She also says she "kinda" likes Lady Gaga, I have to bite my tongue on that one. At least you can shake your ass to it.
It's a fun journey so far.
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Permalink Reply by JamieF on
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Don't worry too much about Lady Gaga, Will. You're right, it's danceable, but she can actually play piano really well and she knows how to dress for success. She might be the gateway for Kiss, Elton John or Queen.
Will Withem said:I am working with my 8 year old to expose her to as many different types of music as possible. She seems to react to the Beatles, the Ramones, Johnny Cash, Social D, The White Stripes and the Zac Brown Band. We're off to a good start. She also says she "kinda" likes Lady Gaga, I have to bite my tongue on that one. At least you can shake your ass to it.
It's a fun journey so far.
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Permalink Reply by Will Withem on
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I'm not worried. She is an empty vessel. I love that she has an open mind to whatever she listens to. She was digging on the Clash this morning. Music is subjective which is what makes it cool, regardless of what you like. Keep rockin'.
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Permalink Reply by Reggae Rocker on -
Get them while they are young. If you teach them good fundamentals, they will come through the other side of puberty with some decent taste. At least this is what I am trying to convince myself, as my kids pass 10 and 6 this year. With younger kids I think it goes a long way if you are passionate about the music you prefer, they will pick up on how cool you think it is and feed off of it. I know this was the case with my dad, he taught me well and I retained his tutelage. Even if i had my own issues in adolescence.
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Permalink Reply by Billy Miller on
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RR- nice thoughts. I think kids will appreciate different music depending on whether they are musicians themselves or just listeners and fans. It's fun to ask my kids "why" they like a particular artist or song. There are songs that are beautiful pieces of music, songs that bring back memories, and songs that are just plain silly & fun. I think my kids know how passionate I am about music- They brag to their friends that I have over 14,000 songs on my IPod, over 1500 CD's on display, and I strongly encourage both kids to write songs and record demos, even though they may sound ridiculous in a weeks time.
Another thing is too keep up with with HOW kids are listening to music and the technology involved. They really don't do the LP thing anymore (in my opinion maybe because very few artists put out high quality albums), share songs on their phones, and get a lot of musical exposure from TV shows and movies. What's funny is to go back in history pre 1965- singles were this rage anyway, not albums; so we may be coming full circle here.
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Permalink Reply by JamieF on
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Amen to that.
Reggae Rocker said:Get them while they are young. If you teach them good fundamentals, they will come through the other side of puberty with some decent taste. At least this is what I am trying to convince myself, as my kids pass 10 and 6 this year. With younger kids I think it goes a long way if you are passionate about the music you prefer, they will pick up on how cool you think it is and feed off of it. I know this was the case with my dad, he taught me well and I retained his tutelage. Even if i had my own issues in adolescence.
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Permalink Reply by maximum jack on -
My baby is about to turn two (currently, her favorite song is "Wheels on the Bus" by Jonathan Richman), but I've had nieces and nephews for years. My wife and I love to make compilations, and we especially love making kid friendly compilations. Here's an example:
Pip Squeak a Go-Go
These kind of comps are great fun on road trips and an easy way to "slip in some education" !
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Permalink Reply by Tom Hespos on -
Mine's going to be two as well. (July 28th) Wife is working on cooking up the other one. (August 18th)
Totally agreed with the OP. The only thing I'm really taking a hardline stance on is music lessons. Both kids will pick their instruments, but they're also both getting lessons. And they are going to take it seriously.
Mom taught piano to neighborhood kids after college. As for me, I took 15 years of piano lessons as a kid. The Powers That Be aren't lying when they tell you it helps with other things, including math skills. So music lessons are a must.
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Permalink Reply by Billy Miller on
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I am split on lessons for the kids. My daughter (12) takes piano and vocal lessons, but my son (10) is learning guitar and drums at his own pace. I do stress though, that they really practice often and do their best to learn to play the instrument correctly. The hard part is that I am mostly a self taught guitar/bass/drummer and I have a great feel for songs, even thought I don't really sight read. I wish my parents would have let me take piano lessons as that is an instrument which really requires technique. With guitar, look at all the great techniques that never would have come out of lessons 1- Clapton/Hendrix using their thumb on the 6th string 2- Eddie Van Halen- need I elaborate (although he is a classically trained pianist and many of his guitar techniques were created to get sounds he could only get on keys- score one for lessons!
I am also a Math teacher, so I totally agree that thinking musically helps you think mathematically, it's all just patterns. I used to play the Multiplication Songs CD in the car on the way home from school. Not sure if it helped or not, but I can't even remember the tune anymore.
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